That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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