i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
