I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
