before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
