So drunk its hurt
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
