O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
