"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
