I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
