How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
