you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.