What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter