The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.