are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
