Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
