Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
