you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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