I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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