need another drink. this is the easiest way
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
