You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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