This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
