Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
