He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
