I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This house was built for laser tag.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
