I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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