Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize