When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
