You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize