I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
birth control should be required to get into college
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
