On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
