he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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