herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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