I bet he comes in French.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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