He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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