i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
