you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
