I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
