before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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