In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
