Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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