woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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