I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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