dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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