And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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