ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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