Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
