My friends, they love my intelligence
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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