you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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