I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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