please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
