I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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