I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
