I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
