just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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