The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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