your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
