i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
