I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
