sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
