You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
