hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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