So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
