Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
