We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
