My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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