weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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