My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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